Jerry, you need to find god
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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