this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
