Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
