You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
