I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
