It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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