I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
