C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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