I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize