I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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