please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
