I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize