True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
