those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
