can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
