So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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