First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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