google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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