she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
