so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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