I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
