we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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