dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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