I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
