I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
