but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
