I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
