did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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