Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
