Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize