How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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