I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Is it because I queefed?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
