im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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