so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
