who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
false alarm. still invincible.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I supernannyed him into submission
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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