She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
