just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
