tell your sister to shave her snatch
Acid is not a monday night drug
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
