Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
