sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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