No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
