he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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