He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
