you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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