dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
