The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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