We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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