Swine flu. Run for my life!
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
