1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
