He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
