I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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