1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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