dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
