I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
