Your mouth is God's brothel.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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