He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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