He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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