I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
