can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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