I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
