hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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