I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Two words: blizzard sex
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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