Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
