I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
