I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
