she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Randomize
