he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
