butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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