You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
