Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
